I had the most awful night and the most equally awful morning.
I feel like my heart has been broken all over again. I’m not ready to write about it here. I don’t know if I’ll ever be, but just know that I’m hurting inside.
But enough of that. Let me tell you about the good thing that happened to me today.
I’d completely forgotten today was our town hall meeting at work. Basically it’s a quarterly meeting where the entire company gets together to talk about what’s happening across all departments.
To be quite honest, all I wanted to do was to get the day over with so I could go home and crawl into a hole and die. I looked like shit, I felt like shit. My eyes were puffy and I’m pretty sure I only had mascara on one eye. I had no desire to plaster on a smile and make small talk with anyone really. But I did anyway, because that’s how we get through the tough times. We grin and bear it and get the job done.
Each department recognized someone on their team for outstanding work. Then it came time for my department. Admittedly I barely listened to Paul make his introduction. I was standing there, leaning against the window of the conference room, staring off into space, wondering what I was going to do with myself when, amongst the cloud of negative thoughts my brain was swimming in, I heard him say my name.
There was applause. I stood there… stunned and grinning like an idiot, mouthing thank you to everyone. And then Ryan expressed his immense gratitude for everything I’ve done for him and for everyone else. And for the first time today I really smiled and I felt the anxiety and the tension of the night before drain away through the bottoms of my feet. And I stood there, close to tears, only because I needed something good today and this was indeed good.
I don’t talk about my job a lot, but I really enjoy what I do. And it makes it even better when my hard work is actually validated.
I needed this. After the loss I had yesterday, I needed something else to balance out the score.