Tag Archives: relationships

A Dish Best Served Cold

My fuse has been short this past week.

For the most part, I have a high tolerance of pain and I can be very forgiving. But when I forgive, I don’t forget. So when I forgive, and forgive, and forgive someone… it all adds up over time. Eventually I finally run out of room for forgiveness, and then my wrath is unleashed.

That’s exactly what happened this week.

My ex and I parted ways several months ago (for good this time). It was not a clean break up. It was messy. Long story short, in addition to breaking my heart, he also owed me some money which I’ve been lax in getting back. But no, not this time. Money is a trivial thing to me and when I loan it to someone I care about, I rarely expect to be paid back, especially when I know they need it. The thing is though, I wanted to take something from him. I wanted to hurt him in any way I could, so I demanded my money.

Earlier this week I texted him, asking if I should expect to see my money this week. He said yes. I didn’t stop there though. I kept going… calling him names and just generally being a vindictive bitch. And I didn’t stop. Even after he tried to end the conversation, I kept going. “No, you are an asshole. And I want you to live the rest of your life knowing I think that. Because all you ever did was break my heart and disappoint me. And this time you did it to a point where I don’t even want to remember who you were or that you were ever in my life. That’s how much I hate you.”

But I kept going even further after that.

I don’t know what I was looking for really. Perhaps I wanted an apology. Or perhaps I wanted him to explain to me how it was all a misunderstanding, because he was really good at doing that.

The truth is I didn’t feel any better afterwards because this time he had no excuse. No explanation that would make anything better. And that was probably the hardest part… knowing it was true. Because I didn’t want to believe that I could ever be the kind of person who could deserve such treatment, who could be disregarded and forgotten like that.

I’m far from being perfect I know. But I deserved more consideration than that.

This week has proved to me that I’m in no position to start looking for another relationship. Date, yes. But long term commitment? Not right now.

I just need someone to numb the pain.

It’s Spelled G-O-O-D, Motherf#$%&er!

Sometimes I post sarcastic comments on Facebook about the men I meet just for laughs.

Granted, not everyone makes it to my Facebook wall, just certain ones. Like Creepy McCreeperson at Buffalo Wild Wings. And the Latino construction worker who messaged me when all he had in his profile was “I single.”

Yeah, there are some real winners out there.

Today I posted about a 23 year old law student that messaged me. And of course, I made a comment about how he would have been too young to get all of my Seinfeld references. The first one to comment was my cousin’s husband, who said, “You may want to broaden your horizons or you might be posting the same things alone in 20 years, just a thought.”

Whoa. Hold the phone. I read the profile of EVERY guy that writes me, regardless of how awful their initial message is. I also go out on dates with a new guy every week so yeah, I think I’m pretty sure I’m an equal opportunity dater. On top of that, if I gave EVERY guy a chance, I either wouldn’t have enough time to sleep OR I would end up murdered and dismembered in somebody’s detached garage.

Last week, one guy messaged me who seemed really nice at first until I discovered he was an awful texter. I asked him how work was and he responded with, “Bz. U” Translated: “Busy. What about you?”

I asked him how he was doing. He responded with, “Gud.” Translated: “Good.”

Seriously, I considered setting a date with him just so I could walk up to him, punch him in the face and say, “IT’S SPELLED G-O-O-D, MOTHERF#$&@R!” and then walk off.

If he hadn’t called me at that second, I would’ve stopped talking to him. Even on the phone, our conversations were one sided. It was mostly me asking him questions trying to start a conversation, and him answering but not really engaging. After a while, I realized he was chatting with me only because he was waiting for me to invite him over.

So no, I am certainly NOT going to entertain every single man that crosses my path just to “broaden my horizons” because I don’t want to waste their time, nor do I want to waste mine. I am a nice catch. I’m smart, funny, sweet, and caring. Any man would be lucky to have me. But I’m not just going to let anyone give me a trial run just because they asked.

That’s for ME to decide.

Mr. Right vs. Mr. Right Now

When I first started dating, I had a list of criteria I was looking for: single, no younger than me yet no more than 10 years older, financially stable with a job, enjoys good food and good company, etc.

But then I actually began the process and suddenly all of that was thrown out of the window.

One of the first guys I met pretty much hit all of my criteria (and blew it out of the water in fact). He was incredibly brilliant, courageous, amazingly driven, tall and good looking with blue eyes and a nice build. At the same time he was demanding, bossy and domineering. These were characteristics that normally I wouldn’t tolerate, but for some reason, I loved being under his spell. He was my Christian Grey. He was a great kisser, he was assertive and passionate in bed. Our chemistry was astounding. He made me feel sexy for the first time in my life (in fact it was the first thing he said to me when we met) and he pulled me out of my emotional coma, coaxing me into taking risks that ultimately paid off with memorable experiences. I can honestly say he was unlike anyone I’ve ever met.

But as quickly as he swept into my life, he was gone. He was a workaholic–his many lucrative businesses demanded his attention 24/7, which left none for me. And so I had to say goodbye. It was bittersweet, and yet I would do it all over again if given the chance.

And then I went out on a date with a not-so-promising candidate. He was nice, but he was out of work, and honestly a little creepy now that I think of it. He wasn’t attractive. He kept suggestively talking about my pictures (“I like your slender calves…” he said). And all throughout dinner, he kept staring holes at me, pressing his knee up against my leg, and suggesting he come home with me. I had worn the unsexiest outfit I could think of–knee length boots, black leggings, and a blue turtleneck sweater–and yet he couldn’t stop complimenting me, saying how hot I looked. It was probably the most awkward situation I’ve been in. At the end of the night, I gave him a quick hug and he leaned in to kiss me, but instead I turned my face to the side and he kissed my cheek. He said he hoped he would see me again, but I smiled and I waved. No chance in hell, buddy.

Then came Bachelor #3. He didn’t find me, I found him. I sent him an innocuous greeting (“Hi! How are you?”) and he responded. Before I know it we were exchanging messages back and forth the rest of the evening. We ended up exchanging numbers at the end of the conversation and the next evening, we were on the phone until well past midnight. We made a date for the following weekend, but the date came and went. We spent half the evening making out in his bedroom and before I knew it, my carriage turned back into a pumpkin and I was headed home.

Like one of my previous suitors put it, sometimes I want Mr. Right and sometimes I want Mr. Right Now. Lately I’ve just been looking for Mr. Right Now. But I know eventually I’ll want to find someone to be with forever. But when that time comes, I won’t be consulting a list of criteria to see if he’s right for me. I’ll know him when I find him.

Room for Error

wonton-soup

The last few days have been a blur.

First of all, let me start with my current state. In a momentary lapse of judgement on Tuesday, I decided to have lunch at a questionable fast food restaurant near my office. Twelve hours later, I’m hugging the toilet bowl like it’s my BFF. It was pretty horrendous.

I spent most of yesterday in bed eating saltines, drinking Gatorade and ginger ale. I even went as far as eating a can of chicken noodle soup which provided the only sustenance for that entire day.

Although I was feeling better today, I still wasn’t at 100% so I opted to stay home again. For lunch today, I made a pot of wonton soup, said wontons provided by my dear mom.

So… yes, I have met someone, but here’s the thing: it’s too early to tell what it is or where it’s going at least in my opinion. But nevertheless I still like him and he likes me so we’ll see what happens.

I received a piece of advice from a very wise friend of mine. She said the important thing to take note of here is that I know life goes on. I know that even though my heart was broken like Jabari had broken mine, I persevere and it gets better. I know what the stakes are and as a result, I know what it feels like to be smitten and alive again.

I think I am taking a bit of a risk by putting myself back out there again. And yes, there is a definite possibility that someone will break my heart again, but I would rather play the game again than give up entirely.

Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da…

The first thing I noticed about him was his scent.

I stood there on the stairs leading up to my apartment, smiling shyly, wearing my pajamas and a grey, hooded North Texas sweatshirt. He had requested it specifically. “Only one rule,” his text read. “No getting ready for me. Just be you. I like that. I don’t need fancy.” As he approached, the cold February breeze wafted the scent of his cologne up to me, wrapping my senses in this refreshingly cool, sweet aroma. He wore a black jacket, a striped work shirt, and dark slacks. He walked the determined walk of a man who just found what he was looking for. In fact, he was just what I had expected.

“Stop,” I said, holding the palm of my hand out, smiling. “Wait right there.”

I could see the smile on his face drop in confusion.

“Do you have any weapons on you? Any guns, swords, knives, hatchets, axes?”

“What? No!” he said.

I laughed, taking another step closer. “You’re not planning on killing me or skinning me alive, are you?”

“No! You’re crazy!”

I laughed again, taking another step. “Are you going to try and kidnap me?”

“No,” he said. “Well maybe.”

I laughed and he pulled me into his arms, burying his face in my neck and holding me tight. “What are you doing out here? It’s cold, baby,” he said, gently scolding me.

“I know,” I said. “I wanted to come out and meet you halfway.”

He smiled and then we kissed and if sparks were the typical signal of attraction, then these were explosions. Mistake or not, I had no regrets and no cares at that moment. I didn’t know what was going to happen tomorrow, all I know was that this man who has made me smile and laugh for the past 72 hours was real and he was here and he was kissing me with unequaled fervor, just as he had promised he would, even though I came to him as an unmade woman in her pajamas, disheveled hair, and no makeup.