I received a message today. He’s a nice man, a writer, and much older than me. He writes articles about food and wine, two things I can get on board with, and travels frequently. He was also impressed with my honesty because I confessed how I bought wine based on the name and the label. “What else do you want to tell me?” he asked.
That was a loaded question. Should I have said I just had my heart broken by Denver Guy? That I was disappointed and disillusioned by the potential for love?
I knew when I decided to start dating again that I was bound to become disappointed or even get my heart broken at one point. The distance became too difficult to deal with. It only works when both people put in the effort to make it work and that just wasn’t happening.
So, moving on.
I had lunch with Gonzo on Friday and he kept giving me a hard time about using the “bargain bin” dating sites, as he likes to call them, instead of the more reputable, pay-for sites. “C’mon, it’s like shopping at Thrifty Nickel versus Macy’s,” he said.
I laughed. “Thrifty Nickel,” I repeated. “I like that place.”
But it reminds me of that line from that book, The Perks of Being a Wallflower. We accept the love we think we deserve. Perhaps that’s my problem. Perhaps the thought of having an easy, normal relationship scares me, and that I need some kind of drama to pique my interest. Could I really be in a relationship that follows all the rules? You know the kind I’m talking about. Where the man pays for dinner, rather than going dutch, and doesn’t hint at the idea of sex afterwards. Or when he showers you with attention and gifts, rather than ignores you. I mean really, could I be that girl that receives flowers that I didn’t have to practically pay for myself? That seems like a completely different culture to me.
On the other hand, perhaps that’s exactly the change I need.