When I first started dating, I had a list of criteria I was looking for: single, no younger than me yet no more than 10 years older, financially stable with a job, enjoys good food and good company, etc.
But then I actually began the process and suddenly all of that was thrown out of the window.
One of the first guys I met pretty much hit all of my criteria (and blew it out of the water in fact). He was incredibly brilliant, courageous, amazingly driven, tall and good looking with blue eyes and a nice build. At the same time he was demanding, bossy and domineering. These were characteristics that normally I wouldn’t tolerate, but for some reason, I loved being under his spell. He was my Christian Grey. He was a great kisser, he was assertive and passionate in bed. Our chemistry was astounding. He made me feel sexy for the first time in my life (in fact it was the first thing he said to me when we met) and he pulled me out of my emotional coma, coaxing me into taking risks that ultimately paid off with memorable experiences. I can honestly say he was unlike anyone I’ve ever met.
But as quickly as he swept into my life, he was gone. He was a workaholic–his many lucrative businesses demanded his attention 24/7, which left none for me. And so I had to say goodbye. It was bittersweet, and yet I would do it all over again if given the chance.
And then I went out on a date with a not-so-promising candidate. He was nice, but he was out of work, and honestly a little creepy now that I think of it. He wasn’t attractive. He kept suggestively talking about my pictures (“I like your slender calves…” he said). And all throughout dinner, he kept staring holes at me, pressing his knee up against my leg, and suggesting he come home with me. I had worn the unsexiest outfit I could think of–knee length boots, black leggings, and a blue turtleneck sweater–and yet he couldn’t stop complimenting me, saying how hot I looked. It was probably the most awkward situation I’ve been in. At the end of the night, I gave him a quick hug and he leaned in to kiss me, but instead I turned my face to the side and he kissed my cheek. He said he hoped he would see me again, but I smiled and I waved. No chance in hell, buddy.
Then came Bachelor #3. He didn’t find me, I found him. I sent him an innocuous greeting (“Hi! How are you?”) and he responded. Before I know it we were exchanging messages back and forth the rest of the evening. We ended up exchanging numbers at the end of the conversation and the next evening, we were on the phone until well past midnight. We made a date for the following weekend, but the date came and went. We spent half the evening making out in his bedroom and before I knew it, my carriage turned back into a pumpkin and I was headed home.
Like one of my previous suitors put it, sometimes I want Mr. Right and sometimes I want Mr. Right Now. Lately I’ve just been looking for Mr. Right Now. But I know eventually I’ll want to find someone to be with forever. But when that time comes, I won’t be consulting a list of criteria to see if he’s right for me. I’ll know him when I find him.