Read or Delete (It’s Up to You)

So I wanted to let some time pass before I wrote this. I really don’t know how you can treat people the way you do. You act as if you’re entitled to be respected and adored, yet sometimes you hadn’t even earned that right.

I could never figure that out about you, why you think that way.

I let you into my life. I wanted to love you, but after a while I realized I couldn’t. I didn’t want to give up on you, but I had to because you had already given up on me.

In your best moments, you were a beautiful, caring, sensitive individual. You gave your best, and so you expected the best in return. You kiss passionately, love tenderly, and laugh heartily. But at your worst, you are condescending, self-centered, impatient, and mean.

You hurt me emotionally and physically. You bit me, you grabbed me, you left your mark wherever you could. The bruises that formed went deep into my soul. And when I complained, you disregarded it because you thought it was nothing. Everything was about you. How you felt, what you thought.

You called me names. You laughed at me, said I was emotionless, dumb, and dense. That I was in my own little world. You called me a whore, a bitch, and a trick. You thought I was forgetful, that I never listened.

And me?

At my best I was loving, funny, and sweet. I touched you gently, accepted your kisses and your body willingly. I cared for you, kept you warm. I wanted to heal you and make everything better.

At my worst, I was lazy, sloppy, absent-minded, and aloof. I called you dumb, told you to shut up, said you were a pain in the ass, a baby and a complete asshole. At times I shut you out, wanted to pretend you weren’t there or weren’t talking.

They say hindsight is always 20/20. What I realized was I couldn’t let you in any further than I already had. I couldn’t trust you with my heart anymore. I never confided in you because I could never tell which side of you I was going to get that day. I never spoke, because I was always cautious. But nevertheless, I hope you find whatever happiness it is you’re looking for.

You’ll probably never read this because you can’t stand to confront reality. You long for the past, live for today, and only think about tomorrow when it comes.

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