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Perfectly Imperfect

It’s been almost 4 weeks since Brian and I broke up.

A friend of mine shared with me her story about a relationship she had in where she had been undervalued and mistreated. She said once she found the strength to end it, she realized she needed to truly value her worth and be confident in herself, which then basically led to her finding the love of her life. She’s now with a man who truly loves her, supports her and believes in her, all because she began loving herself.

I feel like that’s the phase I’m in right now.

I’m not really angry anymore, but I’m learning to live in a more honest place. I’m slowly beginning to gain control over my eating as well. With a lot of help from a great therapist and support from friends and family, I am growing more and more confident in myself every day.

I have a morning and evening routine now. And a wrist watch! Yes, I’m pretty excited about my new wrist watch. It helps me stay on track during the day so I don’t procrastinate. I even made it to work earlier¬†both Tuesday and Wednesday, something I’ve been struggling to do for the longest time. Yet Tuesday and Wednesday, it seemed so easy, as if I’d been a natural at it.

And dating. Yes I’ve decided to get back out there again. There’s no sense in dedicating any more time and emotion to a relationship that passed its prime a long time ago. ¬†I’ve received a lot of messages, but I only reply to a select few. I’m trying to be more discerning of who I decide to let in the door.

So I have one date tonight and I’m slightly nervous and yet excited about it.

I can’t lie though. I have moments where I do stop and think about Brian. Thanksgiving yesterday was filled with memories of him… him sliding his arm into my coat and around my waist as we waited in my mom’s kitchen while he read a medical journal. Him whispering and laughing in my ear as we were surrounded by my family. Him smiling and chuckling and leaning down to kiss me as we managed to catch a moment alone after loading my car with leftovers.

But maybe yesterday would be the worst of it. Maybe it’ll just be easy coasting from this point on. I hope so.

 

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