Ending a relationship that has spanned almost 10 years, a long distance, a big move, and a stint at co-habitation is difficult. If I were to count the days since our break up, it’s been 3 weeks. I haven’t cried much to be quite honest. In fact, I’ve been rather placid about the whole thing. Life must go on, you know.
But then, like a pebble in water, the rippling affect occurs as I slowly start to tell friends that Jabari and I aren’t together anymore. I cried for the first time in a few weeks yesterday after a friend of mine mentioned how she knew I wanted to be a wife and mother and that I would be great at it.
I’d never thought of myself as a mom. Since I turned 30, I knew there was probably no chance I would be getting married anytime soon, I’d fooled myself into thinking that being a mom wasn’t for me. The truth is being a parent doesn’t take one person, it takes two people obviously. And I was in a relationship with someone who had bailed out of his part. So of course I didn’t want to be a mom. I didn’t want to do it alone.
I think… I really think I just need to find someone to make that process easier. And then maybe I would feel comfortable enough to attempt motherhood.