I’ve been seeing a therapist for a month now and so far it’s been really good. She encourages me to set goals at each session and helps me focus on being positive. This is what I needed. Structure and focus.
Brian and I are together again. It wasn’t until after my first session with my therapist that I decided I needed to work on our relationship. I was equipped with new tools for dealing with my emotions and working on my communication skills. There were things about us that I couldn’t let go of, like how perfectly imperfect we were together.
I let him in on some of the things I talk about in my therapy sessions, like how I’m trying to learn to address things as they come up rather than letting them sit unaddressed.
And in return, he’s learning to be understanding. We even successfully navigated our first potential fight. Last week I pulled a muscle in my shoulder and I was beginning to feel neglected by him. I brought it up in a non-confrontational way. He reassured me that I was overthinking it and that he would take care of me if he was here with me. I know he couldn’t drop everything and come running. But when we saw each other next, he did rub my shoulder, even though I told him it was already starting to feel better. He did it anyway.
My friend and hairdresser said some encouraging words to me the last time I saw him a few weeks ago. He said, “You’re expecting he’ll be like all the other guys and he’ll leave you or betray your trust. So rather than accepting the love he’s offering you, you’re sabotaging it because it’s better if you do it first.”
He was right. I’ve been so conditioned by disappointment that I anticipated it and when it didn’t come, I would create it myself.
But maybe Brian was different. Perhaps if I just stopped anticipating and actually start observing the signs, then I would truly know I had nothing to fear.
Things like… how he not only hugs me close when he comes over, but he also hugs Izzie and cuddles her and talks to her like a baby.
How he does things like sets the table for dinner or places a napkin on my lap while I’m putting food on his plate.
When we sleep, he clutches my hand to his heart.
And in the morning when he gets out of bed before me to make coffee, he places his pillows by my side to fill the spot he vacates and says, “I’ll see you soon,” and lets me sleep a few extra minutes.
See… because when you slow down and really look at things for what they are, you realize your life is exactly the way you wanted it to be.