Category Archives: Say What?!

The famous category where I post funny excerpts of conversations I have with people IRL (without their permission, haha).

Nah, He’s Not Jealous

Me: I was watching Dhani Tackles the Globe on Netflix last night and he was in Italy for this episode. He had to cycle uphill for 17 miles!
Jabari: So what. I travel that far to work every day!
Me: Yeah but you drive a car.
Jabari: No I don’t. I carry my car!
Me: Really? Wow, so you pull your car to work every day, huh?
Jabari: I didn’t say I pulled it, I said I carried it! Dhani couldn’t even carry my ballsack 17 miles!
Me: Hahahah!

Conversations at Starbuck’s

Jabari: [After handing me my MacBook] Why don’t you change your background?
Me: Hmm… you know, I don’t know. I’ve never thought of that. Like I haven’t even looked to see what other backgrounds I have.
Jabari: Well, you’re a photographer. I would think you’d use like a really cool photo you took. Like of Izzie in her “Oops” pose.
Me: [Pondering] You know, I thought about that, but then I realized if I put up a cute, personal photo like that, it would make me less pretentious, less self-absorbed, and actually kinda likeable.
Jabari: No… not really.
Me: [Laughing] I’m going to blog about that. Hold on.

* * *

Me: … Hmm… that’s a good idea. Kinda sounds like Facebook.
Jabari: Want to make some money?
Me: Sure.
Jabari: Ok, but no stabbing me in the back.
Me: Ok, you be Mark Zuckerberg and I’ll be Justin Timberlake.
Jabari: I knew you wanted to be a man. You have man tendencies.

* * *

Jabari: It’s taking you a long time to blog that conversation.
Me: That’s because I’m now blogging about the idea you had.
Jabari: Don’t blog about my idea. Non-disclosure!
Me: [Looks around] There’s no NDA around here.
Jabari: [Begins writing on his fist] “N… D… A…”
Me: [Laughing] Ok I’m blogging about that too.

 

If Only Everyone Listened Like This

This evening, I put on my shoes and picked up Izzie’s leash to take her for her last walk of the evening.

Me: C’mon Izzie, let’s go outside.
Izzie: [Stare] I know you don’t think I’m going outside.
Me: Izzie, c’mere. Let’s go.
Izzie: [Stare] Aren’t I speaking English? I’M NOT GOING.
Me: Izzie, COME HERE [snaps fingers].
Izzie: Dangit. It’s the finger snap. I guess I really have to go [reluctantly walks toward me]